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Alex S, Gordano School

Sputnik's Guide to Life on Earth

'Sputnik's Guide to Life on Earth' was a blemish in the history of literature. It was a disastrous and pitiful attempt at a book and should be renamed to 'Sputnik's guide to a perpetual cycle of death and destruction'. It has taken me at least a week to recover from my lamentable and distressing experiences. My impression of Frank Cottrell-Boyce has been marred and bruised by this atrocious and appalling joke of a book. My experience of this book is simply astonishing and remarkably bizarre infused with a slice of abhorrent, repulsive and catastrophic terror. I personally believe this book belongs in the fiery pits of hell itself with the devil guarding it. Vogon poetry is heaven to this insufferable book. My quest to find a single even remotely positive element of this book begins here.
Now, onto the characters. Sputnik, aka, the infantile buffoon, is often disguised a dog! I would truly consider this diabolical and barbaric character merely a bacterial cell. Describing him, (or it) as a dog is merely a compliment. I may have found the ultimate torture technique as a result of the horrific consequence this book has inflicted upon me. The actual fact that this book has been compared to ‘The Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy’ is absurd and a fanatical joke. A book to describe the hilarity of this comparison would be a hundred times better than the book itself.
The fact that this book has even been considered a nominee for The Carnegie and Greenaway awards suggests that someone has simply done: enee-meenie-minee-mo. I know my views may reflect those of a babbling and incredulous parrot but I truly believe that my opinions are indeed correct.
Now, onto the pictures. This is not ‘The Hungry Caterpillar’ and therefore it does not warrant pictures. These psychotic and foolish pictures simply emphasise my loathsome and detestable opinions on this book. My life is now but a lifeless and cold memory in the immense labyrinth of the universe. The book does not even belong in the said place.
Finally, my torturous quest has adjourned and I have resulted in not one positive aspect. This book may, perhaps be suitable for the youngest and most naïve of children but I utterly compel this to deepest depths of hell.

Posted on: 19th June 2017 at 11:27 am

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